It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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