and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
