Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
