I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
