Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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