Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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