i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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