that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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