Those balls look pretty dangerous.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
