the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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