Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
