i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
