Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
