I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
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I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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