Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
