did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
