You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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