feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
