Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
