two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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