So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
