The maid of honor just puked.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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