We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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