Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize