The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!