Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again

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(810): I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again http://tfl.nu/f45r

Replies (1) Good night (1499) Bad night (450)
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(310): View more from California

Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.

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(310): Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary. http://tfl.nu/o8eq

Replies (5) Good night (1052) Bad night (1368)
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(512): View more from Texas

hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?

(1-512): View more from Texas

yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.

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(512): hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one? (1-512): yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go. http://tfl.nu/pwrk

Replies (18) Good night (3815) Bad night (669)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"

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(860): I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John" http://tfl.nu/1on0

Replies (19) Good night (4560) Bad night (1362)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

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(610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/h8rn

Replies (49) Good night (1132) Bad night (5509)
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(515): View more from Iowa

She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.

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(515): She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself. http://tfl.nu/imt6

Replies (8) Good night (4597) Bad night (1294)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.

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(215): I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done. (1-215): I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together. http://tfl.nu/q0m2

Replies (19) Good night (4760) Bad night (928)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"

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(507): Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07" http://tfl.nu/j0aw

Replies (12) Good night (2601) Bad night (1103)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.

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(513): I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting. http://tfl.nu/f03u

Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (685)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

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(575): There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/m7kt

Replies (4) Good night (1098) Bad night (479)
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(713): View more from Texas

So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.

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(713): So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink. http://tfl.nu/45mq

Replies (4) Good night (960) Bad night (597)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.

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(814): I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work. (1-814): Either he has bad timing or he wants to join. http://tfl.nu/sgyz

Replies (5) Good night (2289) Bad night (441)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.

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(847): I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/tgoh

Replies (11) Good night (1146) Bad night (430)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer

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(860): Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer http://tfl.nu/4t5t

Replies (2) Good night (246) Bad night (524)
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(562): View more from California

I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.

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(562): I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom. http://tfl.nu/o8ix

Replies (2) Good night (219) Bad night (556)

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