They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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