if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."