It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?