I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?