i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.