I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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