her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
