literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize