There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
