Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
