why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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