No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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