I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
