like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
