So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
