Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
