Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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