that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
