You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
