I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My vagina is very pro this idea
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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