She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
