I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
