he was CRYING into my vagina
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
