how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
