i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
