She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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