let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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