They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i out mim tonsoeep
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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