i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
