all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
