I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
