Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
