it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
