Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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