East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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