dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
