so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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