Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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