Four minutes until I can fart!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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